I can’t keep doing this.
I can’t keep sitting in front of this lap top shedding tears for the opportunities that I wish I’d had. I can’t keep fantasizing about the classes and workshops I could be taking, the submissions that I could be preparing, the statements I could be working on, the proposals I could be editing the poetry I could be writing.
At some point, I have to stop the water works and just DO THE WORK. That’s where I am.
I’m sitting at the cusp of “Do the Damned Work, Crystal”. Do the work and the caterpillars tickling my stomach may wound themselves up into cocoons.
Do the work and the excuses will fall away. Do the work and the work will improve. The words will come more easily.
I can only write so many lists of goals. I can only paste a finite number of glossy, magazine cut-outs to cork board- prayers to the universe to make my dream materialize. And besides, there is no cut-out of “discipline”, for creativity, for confidence.
Wanna be a writer…a rioter…a wordsmith?
Forgive me Mama for I have sinned.
It has been nearly two years since my last confession. My life has changed so much in the last twenty-four months that I hardly recognize myself.
So lets recap as best we can…
The wedding was beautiful! In fact, I’ve never seen a more beautiful ceremony and reception. 215 of our nearest and dearest were there to celebrate with us. The photos are stunning. The video is touching and now the marriage is well on its way.
The honeymoon was sunny and beautiful. Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Work has been work…I’m over it. Being a flight attendant is great for a single girl with no kids. Now that I am neither, it just isn’t a good fit anymore.
That’s right…I am neither single, NOR childless! Which brings me to the most amazing change of all.
On March 9, 2012 at 12: 49, I gave birth to a beautiful, brown, healthy baby boy!
I am IN Love.
He is the perfection of the Universe that everyone says doesn’t exist.
He is God witnessing to me
He is the most..remarkable human being that I have ever laid eyes on.
HE is the only reason that I’m even writing this right now.
He is all that matters.
“Well, what about….insert ANYTHING here”, you ask?
It doesn’t matter. Only HE matters now.
I have never been more humbled, more blessed.
Peace Cool World,
So, this wedding planning thing isn’t as complex as I’d expected it to be. I’ve watched all the bridal shows on the WE network. I’ve been surfing blogs and websites, collecting bridal magazines like I’m single handedly trying to prevent print magazines from going the way of the unicorn (uh, EXTINCT).
During this whole process, I’ve learned two things…
1. Its really NOT that difficult.
Withing thirty days, my King and I had secured a date, church, a recption venue, bridesmaides, groomsmen, colors, wedding dress and theme. Now, maybe I’m missing something, but itsn’t that really all there is to do? The rest is in in the tiny details that no one remembers anyway….right?
2. the BRIDAL INDUSTRY is making A LOT of money!!!!!
The average magazine cost about $3.99…right? Well BRIDAL mags average about $6.99 . Some are as expensive as $9.99! I found one quarterly that cost $20! WHAT THE HEEZY?
Now, for all that extra moola, I would think that they’d be chocked full of helpful information, meaningful hints or gold leafed pages. WRONG! Bridal mags have even MORE advertisments than run-of-the-mill publications. Crazy! IF I see ONE MORE add for designer dresses or cookie cutter invites, I’m gonna hurl! You have to actually SEARCH for the articles becasuse they look just like the advertisments. Its sickening.
Google “bride”, “bridal”, or “wedding” . 227,000,000 pages come up! Maybe I’m in the wrong business, huh? I’m sure that there’s is some niche area of the bridal market that I can claim as my own to build an empire (insert evil laughter here).
In all my research and planning I have come across a few gems…
But for those, Cool World, you’ll have to wait until next time.
In the meantime,
Be Cool, world.
PEACE Cool World!
I’m back! I don’t know how long I’ll post on this blog. I’m not sure if anyone is still listening, but no matter.
My life has changed so much since we last spoke. So let’s do a recap of the last few months:
I got ENGAGED on September 13, 2009 to THE most wonderful man on the planet! He is a hopeless romantic and the engagement was the stuff that romantic comedy’s are made of. Quiet picnic, softly flowing river, late summer sunlight. And CARATS baby!!!!!
I moved in with the aforementioned fiance. It’s a change for me. I’ve lived alone (or with my girlfriends) for a long time. We’ve squeezed all of our stuff into a two bedroom condo. To top it off, Honey has a 90 lb. German Shepard named Tiler. Though a sweetie, his hair is taking some getting used to.
I’ve enrolled in school. Those who know me know that I’ve been dwelling in this educational purgatory. Two semesters away from graduating with a B.S. in Sociology and Communications. Well, after attended a writing conference in Boston, I’ve decided to pick up a creative writing minor and KNOCK THIS THING OUT!!! I want an M.A. sometime in the near future.
I bought a new car! Yes, the One -Eyed-Spec-Dawg (Kia Spectra) has been retired. I got a Saturn Vue. And so far, I LOVE IT. Nothing like a V-6 to show a sista what she’s been missing.
I transferred back to Detroit. I no longer commute to and fly from the Atlanta airport. It’s only been three weeks, but I miss it already. It was really cool flying with other flight attendants. I felt like a “real” F/A walking thru the Hartsfield-Jackson airport. DTW just doesn’t have the same…allure. And a lot less brown folk come thru DTW.
I guess that just about covers it. Life is changing.
But I don’t think I’ve EVER been happier!
I’m going to try to keep the blog updated with all the excited wedding info…I’m even changing the name! WHo knows, maybe some frugal bride out there will find some inspiration here. I know I’ve gotten motivation from the dozens of bridal blogs out there.
So, that’s the skinny on Cool C(h)rys Mack.
Peek your head in from time to time. Never know where this will go…
I think I catch site of her sometimes.
Strolling thru the airport in her garb.
Her petite frame draped in brightly colored west afrikan appearal.
Gold earrings dangling
strands of beads adorned with animails of the plain and bush.
It is not her.
She has been an ancestor for years now.
My excitement is quelled.
I am quiet for a moment.
Giving thanks for having known her.
Rest in Power. rest in Peace. Dr. Greene
THIS is not where I saw myself. This is not what I had in mind. Perhaps the problem is that I didn’t have anything particular in mind. The luminous “THEY” always said that if you “fail to plan, you plan to fail”. Well…I don’t feel like a failure, but THIS is not where I saw myself.
Peace Cool World,
Ya girl just needs to get some things off her chest. I don’t know if anyone is still watching, but it doesn’t matter. I originally started this blog for ME. And this post is for ME. You’re more than welcome to listen in while I berate myself and my own irresponsibility.
Ok, Crys. Why the hell can’t you get your finances in order? YOU KNEW what you had coming down the pike. YOU KNEW that the Solstice conference was in mid June and that your final payment was due June 5th. YOU KNEW that your niece’s play was showing thru May 30th. YOU KNEW that the Candy Gurls would be finished and initiated May 27. YOU KNEW you were going to the beach May 20. YOU KNEW that Honey wanted to take a “REAL VACATION” in August. So WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU PREPARE FOR THE FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS of said events? Huh?
And then the devil said:
And you choose NOW to decide you wanna start an Indie Publishing house? With what money? You choose NOW to edit and publish an anthology? You don’t know SHIT about publishing! You choose NOW to write for peanuts for other folks projects? You choose NOW to attend a $1200 workshop that doesn’t grant college credit, or a certificate or shit, huh? . You choose NOW when the airline doesn’t have the hours to let you rake in the money like it used to?
Smart, Crys. Really smart.
To your credit (no pun intended), I’ll say congrats on taking care of the whole Sallie Mae issue. Maybe now she’ll stop calling all hours of the day and night. And true, you could not have anticipated the trouble with your car. No, you hadn’t been notified about the stupid Driver Responsibility Fee. But the state is gonna take their money REGARDLESS.
Now look. You’re so embarrassed by the whole mess that you won’t ask for help. Not that anyone could help short of a pay day loan with ridiculous interest or a MOB boss.
So, what are you gonna do now? What are you gonna sacrifice? Money don’t grow on trees and it ain’t gonna fall from the sky (despite what Mama said during childhood). You are a grown woman. YOU gotta make this happen.
Hell, its a recession. YOU KNEW THIS!
So, Crys Mack.
Let’s Get It.