Are you there God? Its me Crystal.
I did something…that I thought was nice for someone else and ended up having to call in sick so that I wouldn’t get my third and final missed trip. Mind you, my Honey warned me the other day that he had a feeling that it wouldn’t work out the way I wanted it to. He wants so badly to say “I TOLD YOU SO”, but he won’t. Now I’m feeling like an irresponsible loser. It’s like I WANT to make thing harder on myself.
I feel like I’m sabotaging myself.
Never mind that I have an interview with a non-profit this week (which is more up my alley anyway). But I really don’t want to loose my job. I enjoy the flight benefits. But I HATE this COMMUTE! Detroit to Cincinatti. Cinicinatti to Detroit. Detroit to Atlanta. I spend most of my time in airports working. I don’t enjoy spending the REST of my time in airports trying to GET to work. Especially when I don’t get there.
I feel like GOD has been trying to make me sit still and be quiet. On 4th of July eve ( if there is a such thing), I locked myself out of my apartment. No shoes, no keys, no purse. Just me in a demin mini and a tee-shirt. Luckily, I had my phone. Did I mention that it was 2am and I was ON the phone declaring to my step-dad that my life was GREAT that I didn’t need him to buy me anything? I didn’t want to tell him that I still have no lights or power. I got myself into the situation…I’ll get myself out. Hell. I’m
twenty-eight twenty-five years old. I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT.
At the time of said lock-out I was lamenting my joy with my budding (though not financially rewarding) writing career. Told him that I was happy with my industrial loft/apartment next to the express way. Said that I was OVERJOYED that my 2003 Spectra with the busted front end was almost paid for… that I didn’t have any children…that I wasn’t on drugs or in the streets.
And then I promptly locked myself out of my life( or at least my apartment). Thus making me question all the points that I was stressing to him.
Well…since I called off work. I have no choice but to sit in my dark, quiet apartment and LISTEN.
Are you there God?
Its me Crystal.