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Are you there God? Its me Crystal.


I f’d up Cool World…
At work.

I did something…that I thought was nice for someone else and ended up having to call in sick so that I wouldn’t get my third and final missed trip. Mind you, my Honey warned me the other day that he had a feeling that it wouldn’t work out the way I wanted it to. He wants so badly to say “I TOLD YOU SO”, but he won’t. Now I’m feeling like an irresponsible loser. It’s like I WANT to make thing harder on myself.
I feel like I’m sabotaging myself.

Never mind that I have an interview with a non-profit this week (which is more up my alley anyway). But I really don’t want to loose my job. I enjoy the flight benefits. But I HATE this COMMUTE! Detroit to Cincinatti. Cinicinatti to Detroit. Detroit to Atlanta. I spend most of my time in airports working. I don’t enjoy spending the REST of my time in airports trying to GET to work. Especially when I don’t get there.

I feel like GOD has been trying to make me sit still and be quiet. On 4th of July eve ( if there is a such thing), I locked myself out of my apartment. No shoes, no keys, no purse. Just me in a demin  mini and a tee-shirt. Luckily, I had my phone. Did I mention that it was 2am and I was ON the phone declaring to my step-dad that my life was GREAT that I didn’t need him to buy me anything? I didn’t want to tell him that I still have no lights or power. I got myself into the situation…I’ll get myself out. Hell. I’m twenty-eight twenty-five years old. I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT.

At the time of said lock-out I was lamenting my joy with my budding (though not financially rewarding) writing career. Told him that I was happy with my industrial loft/apartment next to the express way. Said that I was OVERJOYED that my 2003 Spectra with the busted front end was almost paid for… that I didn’t have any children…that I wasn’t on drugs or in the streets.

And then I promptly locked myself out of my life( or at least my apartment). Thus making me question all the points that I was stressing to him.

Well…since I called off work. I have no choice but to sit in my dark, quiet apartment and LISTEN.

Are you there God?
Its me Crystal.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. 07/09/2008 1:14 am

    I am on my knees with you, Crys!

  2. 07/09/2008 2:11 am

    Keep your head up! I’m going through some stuff that I sure as hell wish I can undo but, I have no choice but, to ride it out. You’ll be alright. We’ll be alright. You live and you learn!

  3. 07/09/2008 3:27 am

    Live’s a B***h keep your head up and keep doing you. God has a plan for you. Don’t stop keep pushing forward

  4. 07/09/2008 10:22 pm

    GOD IS THERE CRYS…just listen…

  5. Qui permalink
    07/10/2008 3:15 am

    Whenever there’s a breakdown, it’s because a breakthrough is coming. I know God is moving in you life….

  6. 07/10/2008 3:28 am

    You all are so amazing. Thank you so much for your encouragement. Your prayer and your support!!!!

  7. a.head aka thorough_brotha permalink
    07/11/2008 5:03 am

    Ditto: God is always there. ***Just listen*** 😉

  8. 07/25/2008 10:34 pm

    Hello Crystal,

    It’s what Adversity taught me, not what Success brought me that challenged me to trust God during my own crisis of faith when God appeared to be silent.

    But God always does the unexpected when we least expect it to happen. Always remember that you’re too valuable to throw away. God loves you too much to do that. Believe that!

    But by grace still go I.



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